Dear Captain Cannon! #2

Hello Sauerworld,  Captain Cannon here to answer yet another question!  I’m ready to hear your deepest thoughts and your darkest secrets. Need some advice? Have a question? Drop me a line and I’ll be more than happy to give you the answers you truly  desire! So, what’s on your mind?

Dear Cpt. Cannon!

Recently I have been kicked from a public server. They said I was a “fucking cheater”. I don’t get it?! The other day I met a guy who admitted to playing with a modified crosshair and HE didn’t get punished .. while I get banned for having 200 frags and 99% accuracy with my “mouse movement enhancer”. Captain Cannon, where’s the social justice in that?


Misunderstood Pro


Dear Pro,

I understand your misfortune but the goal is not to shoot people in racing league! The goal is to… I mean I think you’re supposed to… well, damn, I have no idea what the point of that server is. No matter, I’d like to speak with you regarding this “mouse movement enhancer” that you mentioned.

Now when you say “mouse” do you mean like the furry little critter that lives under my stove? (That little devil is always stealing my slippers!) And when you say “enhancer” you must mean viagra right? (Not that I would know anything about that stuff.) Well, if that’s the case then I’m all ears! I’ve always wondered how mice have sex. They’re just so small and adorable and can’t imagine how they manage to “do the deed” without at least a  little enhancement.  It leaves me to wonder if mice have their own style of doing it. Mousy style perhaps? Nonetheless, what a novel idea, I think you’re really on to something here!

What’s that? Oh, you’re talking about the OTHER kind of mouse. Heh. Well let me give you some sound advice: First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, and then you win. Rachel McAdams once told me that while we were eating falafel in Paris, and although it makes no sense at all I still like saying it. The point is don’t worry about what one cheater says to the next. Just worry about fixing your enhancements so they don’t show 99% accuracy and no one will know the difference! I think 60% accuracy is a pretty safe bet. Am I right or am I right?

Geez, am I even getting paid for all this really good advice I’m giving out or what?


Captain Cannon

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1 Comment

  1. star

    Mister Cannon Cock,
    My own mouse movement enhancer broke recently, and i was wondering if you could give me the cell number of Mr.Fixit, so he could fixit for me?


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