Dear Captain Cannon! #1

Hello Sauerworld,  Captain Cannon here!  I’m ready to hear your deepest thoughts and your darkest secrets. Need some advice? Have a question? Drop me a line and I’ll be more than happy to give you the answers you truly  desire! So, what’s on your mind?

Dear Cpt. Cannon!

Are you a superhero at sex too?

Sincerely,

swatllama

 

Dear swatllama,

Thank you for your question. Everyone loves a good sex question so I’m more than happy to oblige but I’m just a little confused with what you’re asking. So to help clarify I Googled the definition of “sex” and was surprised to learn the following:

 noun

1. (chiefly with reference to people) sexual activity, including specifically sexual intercourse.
“he enjoyed talking about sex”

2. either of the two main categories (male and female) into which humans and many other living things are divided on the basis of their reproductive functions.
“adults of both sexes”

verb

1. determine the sex of.
“sexing chickens”

Now of course  I can only assume that you meant to ask if I was a superhero at sexing chickens, and quite frankly there’s no one better! I am like the Green Lantern of molesting chickens. I’ll grab that hen (or rooster as the case may be) by the legs, flip it upside down and inspect the heck out of it’s junk. And let me tell you I’m really good at it! Haven’t had a complaint yet. Some people call it a gift but I tend to think of it as a duty. Do you know how many farmers there are in the world that need help sexing their chickens!? And who do you think they call when they’re trying to figure out whether or not they should put the chicken in a coop (for eggs) or if they should slaughter it (for meat)? Me, that’s who!

It’s tough work mostly but I get by. Really the hardest part is getting the chicken to trust me. I mean it’s natural for anyone to be scared when a stranger is approaching with rubber gloves in hand. I’m sure you know what I mean. The trick though is to put a chicken hat on your head and bobble towards them while clucking. HAHAHA. They get so confused by that!

Now I’m hungry. Anyone for some eggs? Oh, and swatllama, why don’t you come by tomorrow so I can determine your sex. I’ll promise to be very gentle and when it’s over I’ll give you a lollipop. The chickens usually love that too!

Love,

Captain Cannon

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