Captain Cannon #8

Hello Sauerworld! Today I was presented with a very difficult question. One that may decide my fate for the rest of eternity. Let’s hope that I get it right.

 

Dear Cpt. Cannon!

You have died and are in limbo. There are two doors. One door leads to heaven, and the other door leads to hell.

There are two guardians, one by each door. One guardian always tells the truth, and the other guardian always lies. What one question can you ask a guardian to find out which door leads to heaven?

Yours sincerely,

Lexar

 

Dear Lexar,

Why would you want to find the door that leads to heaven when all the evil red monkeys spawn from hell? If it were me I’d want to take the fight down there to kick some ass before they even had a chance to rise up and wreak havoc in our world. But hey, I understand that not everyone is brave as the mighty Captain Cannon so I can’t fault a little pansy for being scared. In any event I suppose that trying to figure out the answer to your question would be the same regardless of which door you want to go through. So let’s break this down.

First I’d start off by asking the guardian that only tells lies since I think we would have a lot in common. To determine which one that is I look for the dude with the mustache, because we all know that guys who only grow facial hair above their lip can never be trusted. Then I’d give him two tickets to the gun show, flash my award winning smile and begin asking my questions. Seeing that this is rather hypothetical and you are not present to answer these questions yourself, I will play the part of both myself and the Mustachio.

Me: What’s up with the mustache bro?
Mustachio: Beats your ugly skinny legs.

Me: What’s the most overplayed map in the current map pool?
Mustachio: Forge.

Me: Who’s the best Sauerbraten player model?
Mustachio: Mr. Fixit.

Me: Aha! Now I know for certain that you’re lying. What does he have that I don’t have?
Mustachio: The answer to that may take several days. Please just pick a door.

Me: Who’s on first?
Mustachio: Yes.

Me: What?
Mustachio: Second.

Me: You suck.
Mustachio: Thanks.

At this point I’m very frustrated and chainsaw the mustache guardian into a million little pieces. Besides I’m almost positive that he’s the liar, since obviously I’m the best player model. And now that he’s out of the way, and being no closer to finding out which door leads to heaven, I might as well just go through his door. As I open it and begin to step through I shout out to the other guardian:

Me: Well, at least it’s a 50/50 chance, right?
Guardian: Nope.
Me: Ahhhhh, crap.

From the depths of hell,

Captain Cannon

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